Turning up to the party fashionably late?

Moving into halls (or a new flat), especially in January, can be daunting. The people you're moving in with might already have their routines, their group chats and history you do not understand yet.

That does not mean you are behind. It just means you are new, and being new is totally normal.

1) Reset your expectations (and be kind to yourself)

You do not need to “slot in” overnight. Most friendships are built through repetition, not one brilliant first impression. Think of it like this: you are not trying to become someone’s best mate this week. You are just trying to become a familiar face.

If you leave a social feeling like it was fine but not life-changing, that is still progress.

2) It is okay if you are not in on the jokes

Inside jokes are basically proof people have spent time together, not proof you do not belong.

A simple “Wait, what’s that one?” or “You’ll have to fill me in” is enough. Most groups actually enjoy explaining their friendship lore. If they are nice about it, great. If they make you feel silly for asking, that tells you something useful.

3) Start with the easiest “in”

Big group hangs can be intimidating because there is loads going on at once. Smaller moments are usually where you actually connect. Try:

• Joining someone in the kitchen while they cook
• Asking if anyone fancies a quick coffee run
• Sitting with one or two people rather than trying to break into a whole sofa of mates
• Offering to do something simple together: “Want to watch an episode of something?” or “I’m popping to the shop, need anything?”

You are creating low-pressure chances to chat, not forcing a full social performance.

4) Ask questions that make people feel seen

When you are new, you do not have shared history yet, so you build connection through curiosity.

Good, easy questions:

• “How have you found halls so far?”
• “What’s been your best thing about uni?”
• “Any societies worth joining?”
• “Where's the best place for a pint?”
• “What’s the one thing you wish you knew at the start?”

People generally warm up to someone who shows genuine interest.

5) Do not confuse “not clicking instantly” with “not fitting in”

Some groups take a while to open up. Sometimes you are quiet because you are taking it all in. That's not a personality flaw, it can just happen in these types of situations.

Give it a bit of time before you decide you do not belong. You are learning the vibe, the humour, the timing. That comes with spending a lot of time with them.

6) Find your people, not just “a” group

It is tempting to aim for the biggest, loudest group because it looks like everyone’s sorted. But the best friendships are usually with the people who make you feel relaxed.

Look for:

• People who include you in conversations
• Someone who checks you are coming along
• Mates who do not make you feel you need to prove yourself
• People whose energy matches yours, whether that’s chatty, chilled, creative, sporty, whatever

You can be friendly with everyone, and still choose who you spend most time with.

7) Do not overthink the group chat situation

Group chats can make you feel like you are missing everything, especially if the messages move fast.

A few tips:

• You do not have to reply to everything
• Send one normal message rather than trying to be funny
• React with an emoji if you have nothing to add
• If they mention plans, ask directly: “Are you lot heading out tonight?” or “Mind if I join?”

If you have not been added yet, it's usually not personal. People forget, and there is no harm in asking when you feel comfortable.

8) Have a life outside the flat

This one is important. When your only social option is your flat, every moment feels high stakes. If you build a couple of other links, you stop feeling stuck. Societies, sports clubs, volunteering, coursemate activities and Halls Life events are all good options for finding new links.

When you have more than one place to belong, you relax, and that’s often when friendships start to click.

9) Give it a month, not a night

A lot can change in a few weeks. Familiarity builds quickly when you are living near each other. Keep it small, consistent, and real. Say "hello" in the kitchen. Join a couple of flat activities. Ask one person how their day went. That is how you go from “new person” to “part of the group”.

You do not need to catch up on everything you missed. You are not behind. You are just arriving, and there is room for you!